An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon
by Inuyoshie
Summary: To all you fans of Bleached Armageddon within these interviews lie the secrets and behind the scenes look as to what makes our six favourite protagonists tick. There also is something close to humour too... and you get to see Ichigo in a pokeball!
1. Chapter 1

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon

Hosted by Inuyoshie, who owns nothing

Inu: Hallo hallo beautiful people!

Aja: Why do you always say that?

Ulquiorra: Trash…

Inu: Shush yourself or I shall put you in a frilly pink tutu, for I am the authouress of darkness and I have the power to do so!

Aja: You also have an ego about the same size as Aizen's…

Inu: Thank you.

Aja: … which is saying something.

Aizen: *glares at Aja* Weren't you here for a reason?

Inu: Yes. We're going to talk about the characters of Bleached Armageddon!

Grimmjow: Why?

Nikky: Why not?

Inu: Precisely! So, let's hear all about… Aja!

Aja: One! I am NOT crazy.

Grimmjow: I beg to differ.

Gin: I agree. Let's ask Granz…

Szayel: Hm… I'd say-

Aja: I'm INSANE get it right or I'll beat you to death with a tea cozy!

Inu: That's right.

Aizen: Didn't you have me say she was fragile?

Aja: I am not fragile!

Inu: Aja is fragile emotionally. She's easy to mess with. But let's do things in a proper order.

Aja: Who wants to do it that way?

Inu: Just go with it. Name?

Aja: Aja.

Inu: Age?

Aja: None of your business.

Inu: It's 16.

Aja: Rawr.

Inu: What do you look like?

Aja: Ugly.

Aizen: Tall and blonde.

Nicole: And she has big boobs.

Aja: WHAT?

Chloe: It's true. Of all of us, you have the largest breasts. I have the smallest.

Dakota: Actually, I do. I have none.

Maddie: It's true. Even Sophie has more than you, and she's half your size!

Inu: … How did we get off track here?

Grimmjow: I blame the boobs. And Nicole's are bigger!

Nicole: No, Aja's are.

Grimmjow: You're just being modest-

Inu: Carrying on… nickname?

Aja: Ashi, or Ashima. Maddie likes calling me Ashi, as does Nicole. Chloe, Dakota and Sophie generally call me Aja though. Maddie and Nicole are a little closer to me than the others are.

Maddie: Mhm.

Dakota: Yes, but we're just as cool.

Inu: Indeed, my gay friend. Indeed.

Dakota: What's that supposed to mean?

Inu: Nothing, nothing at all. So Aja, what do you like to do?

Aizen: Give me headaches.

Aja: Yes… and cause mischief… and listen to classical music, and cook and crochet, and read YAOI!

Nicole: Yaay yaoi!

Maddie: Indeed!

Chloe: Yaoi ish awesome!

Dakota: I know! Isn't my life great?

Aja: Neeh, you're on bottom though. Sucks to be you.

Chloe: Literally-

Inu: Carrying on…

Gin: My my, yer all such closet perverts!

Aja: The only one of us who is a closet pervert is Maddie. Lucky you.

Maddie: *reddens* Can we move on?

Inu: Yes. Aja's pairing is with Aizen, they just don't know it.

Aja: I hate him!

Inu: But he's hot.

Aizen: *twitches* I'm standing right here!

Inu: So? I've got lotsa pairings in store for you buddy boy. Once Bleached Armageddon is over…

All (minus Ulquiorra and Grimmjow): NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Grimmjow: FINALLY! THERE'S AN END IN SIGHT!

Inu: … I'll be doing an AizenXOC.

Aizen: Again?

Inu: Yes, with you in the Soul Society, 'cuz you and Gin are hot in your captain's haori. So says I.

Aja: We're off topic again.

Inu: Sorry. So…anything else y'all wanna know?

Nicole: What horrible things are you going to do to Aja?

Inu: Well, she's going to have a skirmish with Menoly and Lola because I strongly dislike those two.

Aja: What? Damn!

Inu: How that goes will remain a secret.

Aja: Damn you!

Chloe: What about her lemon?

Inu: It will be last. I'm making Aizen work his ass off for Aja.

Aizen: *glares*

Inu: Other than that, I haven't really planned hers out yet. It's the only one I haven't planned out/ written.

Ulquiorra: It disturbs me that you actually plan these things out…

Inu: I'm a disturbing person. Deal with it.

Aizen: Why do I have to put up with you? Aren't I God?

Inu: Yes, and I'm the fanfic writer who could write you in a crack-fic and pair you with… oh, someone horrible like Mayuri-

All: *shudders*

Inu: Or… Shinji! I'm actually fond of that pairing. And you'd be on bottom!

Aizen: But I've got him hypnotized the whole time though, so wouldn't I-

Inu: He outranks you. And if all of a sudden you turn into a seme which is totally against the personality you've set up…

Aizen: *glares*

Inu: So yes. I win.

Dakota: Why don't you look again… Light.

Inu: I'M NOT LIGHT AND YOU ARE NOT IN A DEATH NOTE FANFIC!

Dakota: Awww!

Szayel: Aren't I good enough for you? *stomps off*

Dakota: Wait, no Szayel Aporro-sama… *runs off*

Aja: Ooooh, even using his proper title… daaang.

Inu: Anyway, I think we're out of time.

Aja: Awww!

Inu: To all you readers, if you want to draw Aja, feel free to! In fact, I would be incredibly happy and write a drabble of any pairing with any intensity of hotness to anyone who draws our six protagonists. Just post them on a DevieantArt account or Photobucket and alert me of their presence. On DeviantArt I am InuyoshieOokami. And… please review!

Grimmjow: Please! So you can stop the torture!


	2. Chapter 2

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon Part Two!

Hosted by Inuyoshie

Inu: Hallo hallo! Welcome to the second installation! I've gotten many positive reviews…

Aja: Which is amazing considering this has no plot.

Inu: Anyway… today, we will be talking about Dakota.

Dakota: Yaay! I'm amazing!

Inu: Riiiight… so anyways, let's do this in a sensible fashion…

Grimmjow: Like last time? Last time we started talking about boobs!

Inu: Well, let's try and avoid that subject then.

Gin: But they're fun-

Inu: So says the guy whose child hood friend possesses a rack the size of two planets!

Gin: That's overexaggeriatin' at /least/ a li'l.

Inu: Sorry. More like small countries. Better?

Dakota: Hey, aren't we supposed to be talking about me?

Inu: Oh yes, sorry. I got sidetracked. Name?

Dakota: Dakota.

Inu: Age?

Dakota: 16

Inu: What do you look like?

Dakota: Well I-

Szayel (interrupting): He's 167.64 cm tall, 79.38 kilograms, has medium length mahogany coloured hair, hazel-green eyes, rectangular glasses with black wire frames, a tall, thin frame and a pale skin tone that looks quite becoming against stainless steel-

Inu: Ookay I think that's enough.

Nicole: That's kinda creepy.

Inu: Yeah… moving on, what's your personality like Dakota?

Dakota: I'm the only sane one here.

Maddie: I thought that was me!

Dakota: No, I've seen you. You can be even more random than Aja on some days. Especially when you're on your period.

Maddie: *reddens*

Inu: Ouch! That one was below the belt! Dakota also seems really nice, but he can be pretty scary. Like right now, he's plotting his vengeance on Mayuri.

Dakota: That man shall die a slow and painful death.

Szayel: I'll help!

Dakota: Yes. You can have the organs that are still intact when I'm finished with him…

Szayel: Yaay!

Inu: Right. Things you like?

Dakota: Death Note! Especially L. He is my favourite. He's so hot… *drools*

Szayel: What about me?

Dakota: Not as hot as you though. And he's not a man of science.

Szayel: Good.

Inu: So… Szayel pwns L?

Maddie: Be careful what you say Inu. There are probably L fan people reading this who will kill you. And Szayel.

Aja: But wouldn't that mean that there are also Szayel fan people who will kill L?

Inu: True. I'll bet if I said that Light has more of a god-complex than Aizen and pwns him, all of Aizen's fan people would find a way to track Light down and kill him, Death Note or no Death Note.

Aja: But Aizen pwns Light! So it wouldn't work!

Aizen: Pwn?

Chloe: Yes. Pwn.

Aizen: … is that a good thing?

Aja: You would kick Light's ass into next Tuesday.

Dakota: But he'd use his Death Note on him!

Aja: Aizen's already dead though! And he can use his zanpaktou to make Light think he has his Death Note when really, Aizen has it!

Aizen: I would?

Aja: Yes! Then you can kill anyone by writing their names down!

Chloe: But then he'd have Ryuk following him around. That would be weird.

Dakota: We're off topic again!

Inu: Dakota is right. So Dakota, what else do you like besides Death Note?

Dakota: I like vanilla frosting.

Aja: *snickers*

Dakota: What?

Maddie: Think about what you just said.

Dakota: Ohh… NOT LIKE THAT YOU MORONS!

Inu: Anyway…

Dakota: Right. I also enjoy chicken and science.

Inu: Alright. Does anyone have anything else to say about Dakota?

Szayel: Mine.

Inu: Yes, we all know that. Dakota and Szayel are together.

Aja: Szayel's on top!

Inu: Yep.

Dakota: Whatever.

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Dakota: Evil L-lookalike!

Inu: Let's keep it civil…

Aja: Wasn't it originally going to be an UlquiorraXDakota?

Inu: Yes, it was. But I figured the pairing wouldn't really have worked out in the middle of writing it… so I tried to gracefully change it.

Aja: You probably didn't do it so well…

Inu: No… *sighs* I'm sorry.

Maddie: That's my line dammit.

Aja: Cheer up authouress of evil!

Dakota: Yeah, how can you be evil if you're emo?

Nicole: Yeah, you have to be Ulquiorra to be able to pull that off.

Chloe: Hey! Watch the Ulqui bashing!

Sophie: Hug! *hugs Inu*

Inu: I am loved. Anyway, time for some spoilers!

Dakota: But you don't have a lot planned out for me, do you?

Inu: The next chapter in Bleached Armageddon will be your lemon.

Aja, Nicole, Chloe and Maddie: YESS!!!!!!!!!!

Inu: It took me three days to write and it probably /still/ sucks…

Dakota: Oh well, at least it's done!

Inu: Yeah… so, it looks like that will be it! Please review these ramblings to show me how I'm doing. I'm writing these mainly off the top of my head-

Aja: This explains the randomness

Inu: Yeah, so, as I said last chapter, feel free to draw mah peeps. I will love you twice as much if you are amazing enough to be able to draw mah peeps with their respective manfleshes.

Aizen: Manfleshes?

Inu: Yes.

Aizen: That's not even a word

Inu: Ya know what? Take it and shove it up your ass. I can make up words if I want to, and you can't stop me!

Aizen: I'm god.

Inu: I'm the fanfic writer!

Aja: Anyway… see ya all later!

Gin: Bai bai!


	3. Chapter 3

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon

By Inuyoshie, who is a force to be reckoned with.

Grimmjow: Yeah… you just keep telling yourself that.

Inu: Whatever manwhore.

Grimmjow: What was that? You wanna say that to my face bitch?

Nicole: Down Grimmy! She's the one who wrote our lemon!

Grimmjow: True…

Nicole: She also wrote me not ripping your balls off, so be grateful!

Inu: Agreed. So how is everyone today?

Maddie: Alive.

Aja: Which is better than the alternative.

Gin: Actually, it ain'. The afterlife is pretty cool…

Aizen: But not if you're a shinigami, seeing as they are all going to –

Inu: Okay, no spoiling. I haven't read the recent Bleach manga. Or seen the anime.

Aizen: Why not?

Aja: Yeah? You get to see Stark be badass!

Stark: *snores*

Inu: I already looked up his release. That is good enough for me. Now! Onto business!

Chloe: Like what?

Inu: Like describing Nicole to our glorious readers!

Nicole: Cool.

Nnoitera: Noo! Not the bitch!

Nicole: Hey! I'm not a bitch, I'm /the/ bitch, and that's Mrs. Bitch to you! Fuckin' Spoony…

Nnoitera: Why does everyone go after the hood? I mean, really?

Inu: Because you are a misogynistic son of a bitch, that's why.

Chloe: Technically Aizen was his mother, so that means you just called Aizen a bitch.

Aja: But I thought Gin was the uke in the relationship-

Aizen: We're not gay! *squishes people with massive reitsu*

Inu *coughs* anyway… so, what's your name?

Nicole: Nicole.

Inu: Age?'

Nicole: None of your fucking business.

Inu: It's sixteen.

Nicole: If you knew, why did you ask?

Inu: Good question… so how would you describe yourself?

Nicole: A violent, bloodthirsty bitch.

Inu: No, physically.

Grimmjow: Fucking hot.

Inu: I wasn't asking you.

Nicole: I'm fairly average; I've got reddish-brown hair that I keep in a bun and blue eyes.

Inu: Yup. Now, your personality…

Nicole: I am a bitch!

Aja: We got that. But Nikki's also a really good friend.

Maddie: Very loyal.

Chloe: And fun!

Inu: Precisely. She's a good chica to have on your back.

Maddie: Why did you randomly speak in Spanish?

Aja: Yeah… you're white. That's not cool…

Inu: Whatever. I never cared for labels. I can speak in Spanglish if I choose. *sniffs*

Dakota: Rawr!

Inu: Whatever. So… what do you like, Nicole?

Nicole: I like kicking ass, training, scaring the living shit out of people, and coffee.

Dakota: Orange juice makes her hyper.

Aja: How'd you know that?

Dakota: Nicole and I go waaay back.

Nicole: Yup. Waaay back…

Chloe: Scary…

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Inu: Now that's mean Ulqui-chan!

Chloe: Everything's trash to him…

Inu: Sadly. Hey… we haven't heard from Szayel…

Dakota: He's busy dissecting something and told me to let him know when you all are done doing pointless introductions.

Inu: Okay… but he's not going to want to miss the epic contest after our introductions…

Grimmjow: Wait- you mean that there's going to be more scripts after the introductions?

Inu: That's right Grimmy! But… it gives you a chance to pwn Aizen.

Aizen: As if that would ever happen.

Gin: Yup.

Inu: There's a first time for everything. Anyways… how about some Nicole spoilers!

Nicole: Yaay! What hell are you going to put me through next?

Inu: Heheh… out of curiosity, when was the last time you had your period?

Nicole: Huh?

Aja: Oh snap… Inu's a bitch.

Nicole: Wait- you mean-

Inu: That's all the time we have for now! *titters disturbingly like Urahara*

Grimmjow: But this is short! Yours are usually five pages long!

Inu: Sorry… I don't have a lot of material… unless we want to talk about all the reasons Ichigo makes a good uke…

Aja: Chocolate dipped strawberries!

Nicole: Only if there's whipped cream involved….

Chloe: Cajun style!

Maddie: In bed…

Inu: Great… now we're into innuendos. Crap.

Dakota: Hahah…

Inu: Anyways… I'll see y'all later! Bai!

Stark: *snores*


	4. Chapter 4

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon Session Four

Hosted By Inuyoshie

Inu: Hallo hallo beautiful people! Welcome to another scintillating session of Interview!

Grimmjow: Scintillating? Who the hell talks like that?

Inu: I do, that's who. Deal with it.

Gin: I hear that yer cheatin' on Bleached Armageddon too… *wags finger*

Aja: What do you mean?

Inu: It's true. I've been secretly working on several other stories. Guilty as charged.

Gin: An' I heard that she's gonna be postin' a new story up!

Inu: It's a one shot!

Gin: No it ain'. Yer co-authouress is all pissed off that ya ended it at a lame-o spot.

Inu: How the hell do you get all this information?

Maddie: Ichimaru-san is everywhere and everyone all at once.

Aizen: Isn't that supposed to be me?

Maddie: I'm sorry Aizen-sama, but Ichimaru-san's cooler than you.

Gin: Awww… yer so cute!

Aizen: *twitches*

Inu: Now now y'all, that will be decided in a few sessions…

Aja: But Aizen's God!

Maddie: But Ichimaru's frickin' awesome!

Inu: Now now girls… I need to interview Maddie.

Maddie: Huh?

Inu: Yup. So… you're Maddie…

Maddie: Yes, I am.

Inu: How old are you?

Maddie: 16.

Inu: Finally, someone has given me a straight answer! So… what do you look like?

Maddie: I'm absolutely hideous.

Aja: *whacks Maddie over the head* NO YOU'RE NOT SHUT UP!

Maddie: Oww… and I am!

Aja: Maddie is about as tall as I am, has skin that looks like she has a suntan, she has brown eyes and wide round glasses-

Inu: Think like Mine from Fruits Basket.

Aja: And she has brown hair with copper highlights.

Maddie: Whatever…

Inu: So what's your personality like?

Maddie: I'm quiet, I dislike fighting and I like helping people. I want to be a doctor…

Nicole: She's our group psychologist.

Chloe: Yup. Everybody just seems to tell her our problems. Like last week…

Inu: Yeah…

Gin: She kinda reminds me of Kira…

Inu: Yup.

Maddie: Um… thanks?

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Maddie: *sulks in a corner*

Chloe: Aw, it's okay, Ulqui calls everybody trash…

Maddie: Nyah…

Inu: So what do you like to do?

Maddie: I like to write fanfiction, read, draw, sing and sleep.

Gin: Sing? I ain' heard ya sing…

Aja: It's pretty.

Maddie: Your voice is prettier.

Aja: NO, yours is!

Maddie: No yours is!

Inu: Maddie and Aja are very close friends.

Maddie: Yeah, and my nickname is Ruki.

Aja: It's short for Mitsuruki.

Maddie: Yeah…

Dakota: Maddie has a scary temper.

Maddie: Yeah…

Sophie: Manni is my big sister!

Inu: Hm… I should interview you too. What's your name?

Sophie: I Sophie!

Inu: How old are you?

Sophie: I… *counts on fingers* five!

Inu: Sophie is about half as tall as Maddie, has adorable sandy brown curly hair and wide brown eyes.

Sophie: Yaay! I like cookies and Gin!

Gin: Awww… ain' she cute?

Inu: Indeed. Her power is that she can affect people's feelings.

Maddie: Like mine?

Inu: No, yours is affecting peoples' emotions; Sophie can actually affect the sensory feelings. This is demonstrated by her causing people immense pain by staring at them.

Aizen: Wait… you mean that technically, Sophie is the most powerful and dangerous of all of them? How come I wasn't notified of this?

Inu: Because you epically fail at life… or afterlife… whatever.

Aja: Ain' it great? Sophie-chan really is a walking talking weapon of mass destruction!

Sophie: *dances*

Maddie: Yes… and Sophie is not my daughter. She is my little sister. She was born eleven years apart from me.

Aja: Indeed… that's a soft spot of Maddie's.

Inu: Yup… so for some spoilers…

Maddie: What terrible things are you going to do to me? Well… besides the lingerie thing… *glares at Gin*

Gin: What? Ya looked adorable in those!

Maddie: You could've at least asked!

Gin: Yes, but would've ya actually worn a lingerie all day if I asked ya?

Maddie: … you have a point there…

Inu: Unfortunately, I don't really have anything planned out for Maddie.

Maddie: What?

Inu: It's true. You're kinda a neutral person… your romance with Gin doesn't really have that much drama (like Aja's or Chloe's) and isn't totally hot (like Dakota's) or violent (like Nicole's).

Maddie: *dies*

Gin: That's mean!

Aja: Yeah Inu… Maddie's stuck with a creeper stalker!

Maddie: With rapist fingers!

Gin: …

Dakota: It's true. You have rapist fingers.

Gin: Ya all are so mean ta me! *runs away*

Grimmjow: Finally, you got rid of him…

Inu: Yeah… well, that's all for today. Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

An Interview with the bringers of Armageddon Session Four

By Inuyoshie, who may be amazing, but doesn't own Bleach.

Inu: Yo!

Grimmjow: Neh.

Aizen: Hm.

Gin: Hey!

Aja: Dude…

Nicole: Heya!

Maddie: Hallo…

Dakota: 你好!

Chloe: Hi! Today, we're supposed to talk about me!

Inu: That's right. And we are actually going to get down to business.

Nicole: So… what did Dakota just say?

Inu: He said hello in Chinese. Showoff.

Dakota: You know Chinese too…

Inu: Yes, I just choose to use Spanish. Spanish is cool

Dakota: Chinese is better!

Inu: Yes, but you don't sound sexy speaking in Chinese. You do sound sexy speaking in Spanish. Or French.

Nicole: Italian?

Inu: that too.

Aja: Romance languages!

Chloe: What about English? Then those of us who aren't polyglots know what you're talking about…

Gin: Ain' we supposed ta be interviewin' Chloe?

Aizen: Actually, Inu is. We don't have any part in this interview.

Inu: You gotta put in your commentary though. And where's Szayel?

Dakota: Experimenting. Remember? He said to call him out when something interesting happens.

Inu: Oh yeah… and Ulquiorra?

Aja: He'll probably show up to call Chloe trash, like he has everybody else.

Inu: Oh. Well, let's start. Name?

Chloe: Chloe.

Inu: Age?

Chloe: Fifteen!

Gin: What? Yer younger than the rest?

Inu: Yup.

Maddie: Chloe's a freshman.

Gin: *looks at Inu* then how do ya justify the lemon huh? At least the others are legal…

Inu: It's maturity. And technically speaking, our five soon to be sexually active protagonists are all participating in necrophilia… and you and Aizen are also both major pedophiles…

Gin: Yeah, but I don' have that much of a problem with that, so ha!

Maddie: You mean… you don't care that you're a pedo?

Aizen: This is… getting awkward.

Aja: PEDOPHILE! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!!!!

Inu: *shrugs* Anyways, so Chloe, what do you look like?

Chloe: I'm a little short; I've got shoulder length curly brownish-copper hair, green eyes and freckles.

Inu: Indeed. And how would you describe your personality?

Chloe: Fun loving and cheerful.

Inu: What do you see in a man?

Aja: How come you never asked us that?

Inu: Because you get twitchy about it.

Maddie: I like bespectacled guys…

Dakota: Szayel's' mine!

Maddie: I'm just saying…

Gin: Aizen-sama! Lemme have your glasses…

Chloe: I like men with green eyes.

Inu: Well folks, it seems Ulqui's in luck.

Chloe: Yes… but he's all emo! I need to get him to loosen up…

Inu: Chloe is a pyro.

Chloe: Yes I am.

Aja: I am too!

Chloe: Yes, but I can actually make people spontaneously combust.

Maddie: *sings* Spontaneous human combustion! Poof! There goes another one! A raging fire of funeral pyre and unexpecteeed cremation-

Inu: Anyways… now that we're done talking about The Bobs…

Maddie: The Bobs are badass.

Inu: Yeah. Now onto Chloe.

Chloe: *hums the song Maddie was singing* Hm… I like it!

Maddie: *sings again* Never snack on cabbage or wasabi… you'll get smokin' feet!

Inu: *sighs* so yes. Chloe is fiery. Pooof…

Chloe: Boom.

Aizen: My tea…

Inu: It's true. Chloe has exploded Aizen's tea at least twice.

Chloe: It's fun!

Aizen: It won't be fun if you're dead…

Gin: But why not? The afterlife is awesome!

Aizen: *twitches*

Inu: Yeah… so, time for what other people think of our peep!

Aizen: My tea…

Gin: Yaay kindred spirit! *He, Aja and Chloe form a Tricksters of Las Noches club*

Grimmjow: Whatever…

Stark: *snores*

Szayel: *dissects something*

Ulquiorra: …

Everyone else: *stares*

Ulquiorra: …You are… not trash.

Chloe: Yaay! *glomps Ulquiorra*

Ulquiorra *walks off with Chloe attached to his shoulder*

Inu: Well folks, looks like that's it.

Grimmjow: Are we free yet?

Inu: NO… for next, I will have a contest to decide which one of our men is the most awesome.

Dakota: Ooooh…

Inu: This means throwing all of our men into impossible situations of randomness and having a panel of judges judge their reactions!

Maddie: So who is on this panel of judges?

Inu: Y'all will find out next chapter… but suggestions from our viewer audience would be welcomed. Except… no Byakuya. I can't stand that dude. And he'll just get in a fight with Ulquiorra.

Aizen: Yes, but I'd win the contest either way. I am God…

Inu: Well, ya gotta work for it darling.

Aizen: *twitches* did you just call me 'darling'...

Inu: Anyways… I gotta let y'all go before I get killed… hehe; please review, or I shall surely be killed by Aizen!

Dakota: 再见 !


	6. Chapter 6

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon Session Six

Hosted by Inuyoshie

Grimmjow: Hey Inu you dumbass, you labeled the last one four when it was five!

Inu: I know… I was having a bad day.

Maddie: So… what happens next?

Inu: I am going to put our love interests-

Aja: Who?

Inu: For clarification, Gin, Aizen, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra and Szayel, anyways… I'm gonna put them through a series of tests to prove their awesomeness. I have called in some judges…

Aizen: Judges?

Inu: Yes. *pulls out five pokéballs* Yeah, judges.

Aja: You have pokéballs? Isn't that copyright infringement?

Inu: See disclaimer.

**Disclaimer: Inuyoshie does not own Bleach or Pokémon. Don't sue me, I have no money!**

Inu: There.

Aja: … so what's in the pokéballs?

Inu: I choose you….

Nicole: Pikachu?

Inu: Ichigo!

*pokéball opens and out comes Shinji Hirako*

Inu: Whoops, wrong ball…

Shinji: What the hell…?

Maddie: Dude! It's Shinji!

Aizen: …

Shinji: …

Inu: *grabs another pokéball* let's try this one…

*Tatsuki comes out of the pokéball*

Aja: It's Tatsuki!

Tatsuki: What the hell? Where the hell am I? Aaaah!

Inu: NEXT VICTIM!

*out comes Uryuu and Urahara*

Gin: So far, ya haven't brought out Ichigo at all…

Inu: *pulls out last pokéball* by reasons of deduction, this one must hold Ichigo…

*throws it, and Ichigo falls out*

Aja: It's about time… so these are our judges.

Urahara: Eh?

Uryuu: Stupid shinigami…

Inu: Actually technically speaking, we don't have any shinigami here. Urahara, Aizen and Gin are ex-shinigami, and Ichigo and Shinji are Vizards, so you can't get your panties in a bundle.

Ichigo: What the hell?

Inu: Your face. Now, you five will be judging these five *indicates Aizen and co.* on their awesomeness.

Shinji: But…none of them are awesome...

Ichigo: Yeah, they're just a bunch of traitorous bastards!

Grimmjow: Hey, I never betrayed anyone here.

Ulquiorra: Shinigami trash.

Inu: NO SHINIGAMI HERE DUMBASS! Now, on with the situation…

Aizen: I think I have a headache coming on…

Inu: You all have to go get evaluated by a human shrink.

Ichigo *bursts out laughing*

Inu: The only rule is no killing anyone. 'Kay?

Gin: How hard can that be…?

*Poof! Our five contestants end up in a shrink's office*

Mr. Shrink: Alright, one at a time here… um… *looks nervously at Ulquiorra* you first.

Ulquiorra: Trash. *follows Mr. Shrink*

Mr. Shrink: Alright then… tell me how you see the world.

Ulquiorra: Everything is trash, except for my woman and Aizen-sama.

Mr. Shrink: Okay…

*several hours later*

Mr. Shrink: I believe that you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as an abnormal obsession with trash.

Ulquiorra: Trash. *walks out*

Mr. Shrink: Um… next? You sir, with the… uh… hole in your stomach?

Grimmjow: Hell yeah bitches!

Mr. Shrink: I'd appreciate it if you did not call me… uh…

Grimmjow: *draws sword* Want me to neuter you?

Mr. Shrink: Um… no, please come in!

Grimmjow: I wanna fucking kill that Kurosaki bastard and that fucking Aizen douche bag and that fucking Gin fucker…

Mr. Shrink: Mr. Jaggarjack, do you think your anger problems stem from an unpleasant childhood? Did… say… you father touch you inappropriately…?

Grimmjow: Technically speaking the guy who would be closest to my father is Aizen… WHY YOU FUCKER! *begins trying to kill Mr. Shrink and is dragged out by Ulquiorra*

Mr. Shrink: Um, Mr. Granz…

*Szayel walks in*

*Several hours later…*

Mr. Shrink: Megalomania can be understood as exacerbated narcissism in relation to the ideal ego. In his account of the Schreber case in "Psycho-Analytic Notes on an Autobiographical Account of a Case of Paranoia a case that presented its share of delusions of grandeur—Sigmund Freud envisaged narcissism as a stage in psychosexual development situated between autoeroticism and object relations. Narcissism can certainly be placed not just within a linear perspective, but also as a structural point in the psyche, with megalomania at its zenith. Indeed, if we postulate a primal intersection formed by the interaction between primary narcissism and primal masochism conceptualized as the earliest fusion of the life and death instincts, we are led to envision a sort of primal, archaic damming-up that is self-constituted (and therefore without an object) in the psyche. Megalomania could then be considered as an expression of reactualization and regression to this primal position, which is characterized by an image of an ego ideal that is all-powerful and self-sufficient, having no object-directed needs or desires in order to survive. This type of mental functioning would also involve a systematic denial of otherness and an infantile theory of sexuality involving self-procreation-

Szayel: … What on earth are you talking about? I'm a man of science and it just sounds like you're babbling!

Mr. Shrink: … um… just bring the next patient in please…

*Aizen walks in*

Mr. Shrink: Ah! Finally someone normal…

*several hours of Aizen's monologue later…*

Mr. Shrink: Um sir…

Aizen: Yes?

Mr. Shrink: I believe that you have a god complex and are under the delusion that you are God.

Aizen: *twitches* who are you, a lowly human, to tell me that I am deluded to think that I am God? I **am **God you fool! I-

Mr. Shrink: *trembles*Y-y-yes sir… whatever you say sir…

Aizen: Humph. *walks out*

Mr. Shrink: N-n-n-ext patient p-p-please…

*Gin walks in, cheerfully whistling*

Mr. Shrink: Let's just… show you some Rorschach inkblots…

*Gin stares at the cards*

Mr. Shrink: Now, tell me what you see?

Gin: I see… the headless body of Hitsugaya Toshiro dancin' with the corpse o' Kuchki Rukia surrounded by millions o' hollows I just slaughtered…

Mr. Shrink: *reaches for the panic button*

Gin: Whatchya doin'? I disconnected yer security system. *holds up a bunch of wires*

Mr. Shrink: Umm… and how does that make you feel?

Gin: Like I wanna stab ya with Shinsou. *pulls out zanpaktou*

Mr. Shrink: Oh God save me!

Aizen: *sticks his head in* Yees?

Mr. Shrink *bashes head in a random bronze statue by his desk and dies*

Inu: Well… that was an epic failure. Judges, who do you think won that round?

Ichigo: None of them, they're all evil!

Uryuu: I agree.

Shinji: They all damaged the poor shrink…

Urahara: I'd have to agree.

Inu: So we're indecisive?

Tatsuki: Well, the emo looking guy was the only calm one. I'd say he wins.

Inu: Okay then! Ulquiorra wins the first round!

Chloe: Yaay!

Maddie: Ichimaru! You drove that poor man to suicide!

Gin: Aw, I was gonna kill him anyways…

Inu: I think we'll take our leave now… by the way, I copied and pasted Mr. Shrink's rant to Szayel from a dictionary site. So no, I am not that smart, although I do understand what he was saying.

Szayel: *epically fails*

Inu: Anyways… bai!


	7. Chapter 7

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon

Hosted by Inuyoshie

Ichigo: You evil person!

Aizen: Evil? You go too far, Kurosaki. I am merely-

Ichigo: No, not you, her! *points to Inu*

Inu: Who me? No, the truly evil person in the series is…

Shinji: Aizen

Urahara: I'd have to agree with that.

Uryuu: Szayel Aporro Granz, Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Dakota: I concur! On the Mayuri part

Uryuu: And my dad.

Ichigo: Fox face!

Tatsuki: Our teacher…

Aizen: Yamamoto

Grimmjow: Aizen.

Aizen: *twitches*

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Ichigo: There's no one in the series named 'Trash'!

Ulquiorra: Does it matter? You all are trash, save my woman and Aizen-sama.

Aizen: Out of curiosity, why does Chloe come before me?

Inu: Because you fail. Any other suggestions?

Gin: Me.

Szayel: Mayuri.

Inu: Okay, so Aizen has three votes, Gin has two, Yamamoto has one, Mayuri has two, Szayel has one, Uryuu's weird dad has one, and the weird teacher has one.

Ichigo: It looks like Aizen wins.

Inu: No… for the person in Bleach who is truly the most evil is…

Aizen: Who?

Gin: Who?

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Grimmjow: Just tell us already…

Inu: Wonderweiss.

Grimmjow: WHAT?

Gin: …

Aizen: … Have you lost your sanity?

Inu: No, I know perfectly well where it is. I believe I sold it so someone in Somalia on E-Bay.

Tatsuki: But why E-Bay? You could've sold it on Craig's list…

Aizen: But why Somalia?

Inu: Why not Somalia? People need sanity down there too…

Ulquiorra: How can Wonderweiss be trash-er, I mean, evil?

Ichigo: Who the fuck are you all talking about?

Shinji: I'm in the dark…

Tatsuki: Welcome to my life.

Gin: But didn't Tousen say that Wonderweiss was pure?

Inu: Yes, but he didn't specify what /kind/ of pure. It could've been pure evil.

Grimmjow: He's friggin autistic!

Inu: So is Aja.

Aizen: … you have a point there.

Inu: See? That li'l dude is terrifying. He's peeps with Sophie! That should account for something!

Gin: Considerin' that she's a walkin' talkin' biological weapon o' mass destruction… yeah…

Shinji: Out of curiosity, why the hell is there a toddler in Las Noches?

Ichigo: Why are there kittens?

Inu: Besides Grimm-kitty.

Grimmjow: Call me that again and we'll see how far I can throw your dismembered head!

Inu: Yes, but it's kinda hard to continue Bleached Armageddon without a head.

Grimmjow: Then just end it here!

Inu: But what about the lemons? What about Aizen, will he ever get Aja to love him?

Aizen: Do I care?

Inu: Yes, yes you care you cold-hearted bastard with a god complex who acts like Pein without the piercings and Light without the Death Note and looks like a model from Ambrocrombie& Fitch!

Aizen: You're just jealous because I am hot and you are not.

Inu:*twitches* Okay, that's it! The ultimate punishment!

Aizen: Hm? What could be so horrible-?

*Aizen is thrown into… Ichigo's house*

Ichigo: Noooo! Get him out of there before he kills my sisters!

Aizen: *Lands on top of Yuzu* Ow…

Yuzu: Oww… Daddy! Some random guy fell from the sky on top of me!

Isshin: What the –WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON TOP OF MY LITTLE GIRL! *roars angrily*

Aizen: …

Ichigo: Maybe my crazy dad will kill him…

Urahara: Probably

Tatsuki: Oh yeah. That weird dude is lunchmeat.

Inu: No, he is gyro meat.

Shinji: Bologna?

Urahara: Cotto Salami.

Uryuu: Summer Sausage.

Ichigo: Why the hell are we talking about what kind of lunchmeat Aizen will become?

Inu: I still say gyro meat. That stuff is frickin' god-like. Especially with saki-saki sauce.

Urahara: Like sekki-sekki rock?

Inu: No… that's a sauce made of cucumber, onion and sour cream. Tasty-licious.

Aizen: Uh hello? I'm about to get killed by an overprotective father who looks like an ex-shinigami…

Ichigo: He's a WHAT?

Shinji: Oh yeah, you didn't know that? Like that all of the Vizards used to be captains or vice-captains until somebody *glares at Aizen* turned us all into Vizards.

Aizen: Yes, but it was the Soul Society who shunned you!

Urahara: You framed me for it!

Aizen: You happened to be in the way!

Isshin: Shut up!

Ichigo: *dies*

Inu: Good job y'all… ya killed him.

Grimmjow: Why are you talkin' like Fox-face… oh god, now I'm doing it too!

Aizen: Someone called?

Karin: *sticks her head in* Holy crap! It's one of those… weird… people things Ichigo's always hanging around with!

Yuzu: Ichigo's joined a gang?

Inu: Okay, I think that's enough punishment. *zaps Aizen out*

Shinji: *pokes Ichigo with a stick* IS he actually dead?

Grimmjow: Where the fucking hell did you get the stick Dutch Boy?

Shinji: … I pulled it out of the emo guy's ass.

Szayel: I knew it! I knew there was a stick up Ulquiorra's ass!

Shinji: No… I was kidding. I randomly pulled it out of thin air.

Inu: But not thick air…

Szayel: But that's physically impossible! You-

Shinji: I pull my frickin' mask out of thin air, and you doubt my abilities in pulling other things out of thin air?

Inu: Somebody make an innuendo out of that quickly.

Shinji: Why?

Inu: Because… we're out of time. So, I hoped you enjoyed that totally random and pointless waste of maybe five minutes of your time. If any of you people out there have ideas for me, lemme know! Bai bai!

Gin: That's my line…


	8. Chapter 8

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon

By Inuyoshie

Inu: So… what should we talk about today?

Grimmjow: How you're going to end Bleached Armageddon?

Inu: No.

Ichigo: Why I was in a pokéball?

Inu: That was randomness on my part. Sorry.

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Inu: No, Ulqui-chan, we are not going to talk about trash.

Grimmjow: Why your name is so fucking weird?

Inu: You're one to talk, Grimmjow Jaggarjack.

Grimmjow: Why do you pronounce it funny?

Inu: Dude, I watched the subbed version of Bleach before the dubbed version.

Aja: You actually watch the dubbed version?

Inu: Yeah. Usually I'm twitchy about that kinda thing, but I think Studio Pierrot did a pretty good job.

Maddie: Gasp!

Szayel: Is there another contest or something?

Inu: Yes… pairing time!

Aja: Pairings?

Inu: Yes. What is your favourite pairing in Bleach?

Aja: Huh… AizenXIchigo.

Aizen: What?

Ichigo: WHAT? I don't swing that way!

Dakota: Who's on top?

Aja: Aizen, duh.

Inu: Yup. Ichigo is uke in that relationship because of Uke-hood rule #1.

Ichigo: Uke-hood rules? Since when?

Inu: I made them up. They help me determine who is the uke in a relationship. This actually is important.

Aja: Really? Do tell, do tell!

Inu: We will use Ichigo as an example.

Ichigo: Whaaat?

Inu: Okay, rule number one: Age. Older people, tend to be on top. Example of this… Urahara X Ichigo.

Urahara: …

Ichigo: EEEEWWWW! HE'S MY FRICKIN' TEACHER! And he's like… ancient!

Aja: the problem with that rule is most of the people in Bleach are at least a century older than Ichigo.

Inu: Yeah, that's why the rule is the first… it's kinda lame. It goes hand and hand with rule number two: experience.

Aja: Okay, that makes sense.

Ichigo: Huh?

Chloe: the more experience you have, the more dominating you're going to be, because you have to teach your partner how to do it. I know…

Nicole: A little too much for a freshman…

Maddie: Freshman these days are kinda scary… anyway, remember when we were freshman? That's when I was first introduced to yaoi lemons… *shudders*

Aja: Yup!

Maddie: *shudders* I couldn't look at whipped cream the same way for a week…

Aizen: How did we get off on this subject?

Inu: You're right Aizen, on to rule number three.

Aizen: That's not what I meant…

Inu: Rule number three: Personality. If one has a more aggressive personality, he shall be dominant. Example: RenjiXIchigo.

Ichigo: *dies*

Aja:*squeals*

Inu: This also is important in RenjiXByakuyas too.

Gin: I knew it! I knew they were doin' somethin' kinky…

Inu: But that pairing goes against rule number four: Rank. Higher rank goes on top. Yet in that pairing, Renji is usually on top 'cuz he's a little more aggressive, and he has experience. Two rules against one…

Aja: Aaah… But in ByakuyaXIchigos…

Inu: Ichigo doesn't have experience, and isn't that aggressive, so Byakuya gets top.

Aizen: It disturbs me that you actually think about this.

Inu: Another problem pairing is AizenXShinji…

Shinji: *twitches* what?

Inu: *uses logic finger of doom* you see, since Shinji was Aizen's captain, you'd think Shinji would be on top, but Aizen had Shinji hypnotized the whole time so…

Aja: It probably would start off with Shinji on top, but then it would change… Inu! Write us one!

Inu: Hold on. Now for the final rule… affiliation. This one is the big rule.

Aja: IT is?

Inu: Yes. Evil people= seme. For example: GrimmjowXIchigo.

Aja: Well that also has experience and personality with it too.

Grimmjow: We hate each other!

Inu: All the more likely that you two will be written having hot gay sex. That's how the yaoi fan girl's mind works. Another example…. AizenXIchigo, UlquiorraXIchigo, GinXIchigo…

Ichigo: I feel like a ho….

Inu: SzayelXUryuu…

Uryuu: WHAAAAT!

Maddie: NOOOOO! *hugs Uryuu*

Inu: That's actually one of my favourites…

Gin: Szayel, what do ya have to say fer yerself? *glares at Uryuu*

Szayel: No comment.

Inu: So yeah… now, Nicole… what is your favourite Bleach pairing?

Nicole: Any GrimmjowXOC. I'm not too versed in the Bleach universe…

Inu: Okay. Chloe?

Chloe: I like UlquiorraXOrihime!

Inu: Ah… UlquiXHime… that's a classic. Supported by the manga too. Pity he dies…

Chloe: What? *cries*

Inu: Okay… Dakota?

Dakota: I don't watch Bleach.

Inu: Ah… okay, let's ask Maddie.

Maddie: GinXKira.

Inu: Okay… that's a little creepy.

Maddie: Why?

Inu: Because I base the interactions of our five protagonists with their characters off of some basic canon pairings. Aja's is like an AizenXIchigo due to Aja's rebellious character, Nicole's is a GrimmjowXIchigo for the same reason, Dakota's is a SzayelXUryuu , Maddie's is a GinXKira because Maddie acts kinda like Kira and Chloe's is… uh… special.

Chloe: Yay! I'm special!

Tatsuki: Uh… I have a question.

Inu: Yes?

Tatsuki: Are we even judging today?

Inu: … I guess not… sorry guys, I'll have a competition for y'all tomorrow, I promise. Tomorrow's Sunday! Maybe I'll think of something in church…

Aja: …

Maddie: …

Chloe: …

Dakota: …

Nicole: …

Sophie: …

Inu: Yeah… well, that's all! As I said, any ideas are welcome!


	9. Chapter 9

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon Session Nine

Hosted by Inuyoshie

Grimmjow: So what are you making us do today?

Aja: Talk about more yaoi?

Inu: Maybe…

Aizen: Just tell us…

Inu: Alright. Today, you five will have to build a sand castle.

Ichigo: What the fuck?

Inu: You heard me; Aizen, Gin, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra and Szayel all have to build sand castles.

Aizen: Why?

Gin: Aw, come on Aizen, it'll be fun!

Aizen: … last time you said that, all of the captain's haori ended up pink…

Gin: Yeah, but pink looked so manly on Kenpachi!

Ichigo: *imagines it and dies*

Tatsuki: Why does Ichigo die in almost every single issue of this?

Inu: *pulls out a mortician's outfit* Hm… it seems to me that cause of death was from his brain exploding.

Uryuu: I don't blame him. What if Mayuri wore a pink haori…?

Dakota: Oh my god!

Aizen: Yes?

Dakota: Not you! *glares* the images… they buuurnn….

Maddie: Forever grafted onto my eyeballs.

Szayel: Pink isn't that bad…

Grimmjow: So says you, gay ass!

Dakota: Hey, you leave Szayel's ass out of this!

Inu: Yo. Build yer sand castles or I'll think of something else for you to do.

**With this, our five love interests go off into Hueco Mundo with several gallons of water to build a sand castle…**

Szayel: Hm… if I mix the exact amount of sand and water…

Grimmjow: This is fucking stupid…

Gin: *hums happily while building*

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Aizen: … I'm finished.

Inu: That's nice… now you have to wait.

*Several minutes later….*

Inu: Okay judges, come and judge!

Ichigo: … why does Ulquiorra's castle look like a trash can?

Tatsuki: Okay, that guy has severe issues… wait, I remember you! You're one of those freaky guys with holes in them that attacked Orihime and called me worthless trash!

Shinji: *pats Tatsuki's back* It's okay… he calls everyone worthless trash.

Uryuu: Szayel's looks interesting…

Ichigo: I dunno, it looks like a tent.

Urahara: Ichimaru's actually pretty good…

Ichigo: You're right… it actually looks like a castle and everything…

Tatsuki: How'd you do that?

Gin: Ya learn a lot in the Rukongai district…

Urahara: But Grimmjow's looks weird…

Ichigo: Weird? It's just a pile of sand with holes poked in it!

Tatsuki: It kinda looks like wet cat food…

Uryuu: Holy crap… look at Aizen's!

Ichigo: That's like a work of art! It's so…detailed!

Aizen: I know.

Urahara: And it isn't even crumbling or anything?

Tatsuki: That's just cool…

Ichigo: What do you think Shinji?

Shinji: …

Urahara: Well?

Shinji: It is impossible to build something that detailed in five minutes…

Urahara: So that means…

Shinji: So that's not a sand castle, that's Kyouka Suigetsu!

Aizen: …

Grimmjow: You asshole!

Aizen: Now that is just rude…

Ichigo: I say Aizen's disqualified.

Shinji: I agree. You have to actually build a sandcastle, not hypnotize us to think you did.

Urahara: Indeed.

Tatsuki: That's just cheating.

Uryuu: Yes, it is.

Inu: Okay, it has been decided… Aizen fails!

Szayel: But who wins?

Tatsuki: The smiling guy.

Ichigo: Ichimaru? Yeah…

Urahara: I'd have to agree.

Uryuu: Yeah.

Shinji: Yup.

Inu: So… it has been decided.

Grimmjow: What the hell? How come fox-face won?

Inu: Because he happened to know how to build a badass sand castle.

Grimmjow: But how does that make him badass?

Maddie: Because he's Gin!

Aizen: … I should've won on basis of creativity.

Shinji: How is using an illusion creative?

Inu: He's got a point. And, he used to be your captain, so you gotta listen to him.

Aizen: How does that make any sense?

Inu: Because I said it.

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Grimmjow: I say that Inu has an ego the size of a planet.

Gin: I agree.

Aizen: As do I.

Ichigo: You're one to talk, Mr. 'I will reign in the heavens'.

Shinji: Yeah, but Inu has a freakin' large ego.

Tatsuki: Yeah…

Uryuu: I agree.

Inu: So it is settled then! I have a humungous ego!

All: …

Ichigo: You actually like that?

Inu: Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Ichigo: Come on, we're in Bleach. People come back from fatal injuries all the time.

Uryuu: That's because Orihime is around…

Aizen: Yes…

Aja: *points dramatically at Aizen* whatever you do, DO NOT KIDNAP ORIHIME! SHE WIL BE YOUR DOOOOM!

Inu: … Yeah, something like that. Well, anyways, that's all for today. Please review!

Ulquiorra: Trash.


	10. Chapter 10

An Interview with the Bringers of Armageddon Session Ten

Hosted By Inuyoshie.

Inu: Hallo hallo beautiful people!

Grimmjow: Yo…

Inu: We're going straight to business this time and judge how our five love interests handle being shuffled around various fandoms.

Gin: Eh?

Inu: The first fandom is… Soul Eater!

*BAMPF! OUR FIVE LOVE INTERESTS RE-APPEAR IN A COLLEGE STYLE CLASSROOM*

Prof. Stein: And then you make an incision three centimeters from the gallbladder and- what then?

Maka: What on earth is going on?

Soul: That's not cool…

Black *Star: They're taking my spotlight!

Tsubaki: Black *Star…

Liz: Why do they have holes in them…?

Patty: Heheh… he looks emo…

Death the Kidd: … They're… ASYMETRICAL!

All Soul Eater crew: …

Inu: It's true. Aizen has the bitch curl, Gin's sword is on one side, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra's mask fragments are only on half of their faces and Szayel's hair is parted asymmetrically.

Death the Kidd: Liz! Patty! Transform!

Prof. Stein: Oh dear…

Liz and Patty: *turn into pistols*

Death the Kidd: Aaaah!

Aizen: … Silence… I am God.

Maka: You mean like Shinigami-sama?

Black* Star: IF you are God, then I must fight you… for I am the man who will surpass God!

Tsubaki: Black*Star… *sighs* I suppose. *transforms into a ninja weapon*

Prof. Stein: Looks like another fight.

Maka: Are you kidding? Check out that guy's soul!

Inu: Yes. Aizen has a big soul. It's not nearly as large as his ego though…

Aizen: *twitches*

Black*Star: Yahoo! You're obviously too scared to speak because of my bigness!

Grimmjow: Bigness?

Ulquiorra: Trash…

Szayel: I do hope he's talking about his abilities…

Ulquiorra: What abilities? HE's simply human trash.

*Black*Star attacks Aizen and is pwned in five seconds*

Prof. Stein: That is what I call… an epic failure. However… you look interesting… I would love to dissect you...

Grimmjow: *pushes Szayel to the front* Hey, crazy scientist guy talk to crazy scientist guy…

Szayel: Is that a Somalian Curve-Beaked Pelican on your dissection table?

Prof. Stein: Yes, one of the last four in the world…

Szayel: I would love to see its insides…

Prof. Stein: So would I…

Maka: *sweat drops*

Inu: Judges? Who do you think performed the best in these circumstances?

Urahara: I dunno… I guess I'd have to say Aizen in his quick dealing with the noisy blue-haired kid.

Uryuu: I agree.

Ichigo: But the pink-haired dude's talking with the silver haired dude was pretty cool too…

Shinji: I agree. (Doesn't want to vote for Aizen)

Inu: It seems that we are tied. Tatsuki? What do you think?

Tatsuki: … I say the guy who said he was God wins.

Inu: Okay, so we have one win for Aizen.

Aizen: IT's about time…

Inu: Next fandom! Death Note!

*BAMPF! OUR FIVE LOVE INTERESTS APPEAR INSIDE L'S WEIRD TECHNO ROOM THINGI OF DOOM*

Aizen: Ow…

Gin: Uhuh… I gotta agree with ya on that one…

Light: What on earth! What are these?

Grimmjow: Fuckin' Shinigami!

Aizen: I really hope for your sake you were talking about Gin and not me…

Light: Sh-shinigami?

L: What do you all know about a killer named Kira?

Dakota: *squeals and dies*

Ulquiorra: Trash.

Szayel: … *whispers* its Death Note… that manga Dakota-kun is obsessed with…

Grimmjow: *whispers back* Okay, so who the fuck is Kira?

Light: *whispers* Oh great, they know about the Death Note… and they're shinigami!

Ryuk: I dunno, they don't look like shinigami to me…

Aizen: That's because we betrayed the Soul Society.

Ryuk: You can see me?

Szayel: Unfortunately…

Gin: Jeez Szayel, you act like Yumichika… looks aren't everything.

Szayel: No, they are about 15% of what really matters in life. The other 85% is divided evenly between science and Dakota.

Grimmjow *whispers* Okay, so who the fuck is Kira?

Szayel: *whispers* It's Light.

Light: L, how about you leave the room… I think I'll handle these people…

L: …

Light: Would you do it for a Klondike bar?

L: … You've got me there… *leaves the room*

Light: *grabs Death Note* How do you know about this?

Aizen: Simple. I am God.

Light: NO, I am God.

Aizen: I am God.

Light: I am God!

Aizen: How can you be God, you're simply human!

Light: How can you be God, you don't have a Death Note!

Aizen: Death Note…?

Light: It allows me to kill all criminals so that the world will be a utopia that I rule!

Aizen: …

Gin: Wow… ya got a nice smile there, shinigami-kun.

Ryuk: So do you… I wonder which smile is larger?

Gin: *smiles*

Ryuk: *smiles*

Gin: *smiles more*

Ryuk: *smiles more*

Grimmjow: Dammit! I can't fucking take it anymore! *stomps out into the room where L is, where he is happily eating a Klondike bar. Okay, ya wanna know who Kira is? It's Light you dumbasses!

L: …

Watari: …

The other police dudes: …

Light's Dad: …

Ryuk: Heheh…

Light: NOOOOOO YOU FOOOOL!

Ichigo: I say Grimmjow wins.

Shinji: I agree.

Urahara: Me too.

Uryuu: Yup.

Tatsuki: That was epic…

Inu: Great! Now let's go before Light starts going crazy… er

*BAMPF! OUR FIVE LOVE INTERESTS ARE NOW BACK HOME… EXCEPT A PORTAL RIPS OPEN AND AGATHA CLAY/HETRODYNE, KROSP AND GILGAMESH WULFENBACH APPEAR*

Inu: … that was unexpected.

Agatha: It works!

Gil: It works!

Aizen: What works?

Inu: Your mom!

Aizen: *glares*

Agatha: It would seem to me that we are in another dimension…

Gil: Yes…

Krosp: *walks up to Grimmjow* Ah yes, but I seem to have found a loyal subject!

Grimmjow: You're a… cat. That… talks…

Ichigo: Yoruichi talks. She's a cat.

Urahara: Yep.

Aizen: Yes, but Yoruichi also is a ninja.

Inu: Krosp is not a ninja.

Krosp: No… I am the emperor of all cats!

Agatha: Oh dear…

Krosp: And you… are a cat.

Grimmjow: NO, I'm an arrancar you fucking bitch, now back off!

Agatha: Wrong gender.

Szayel: And wrong species too… wait a minute, is that an interdimensional portal warping device?

Agatha: Why yes it is! It's a little unstable…

Szayel: Let me see…

*several minutes later*

Agatha: **YES OF COURSE IT WILL WORK! JUST RECONFIGURE THE SETTINGS…**

Szayel: **YES, AND RESET THIS KNOB… OH, BUT THE POWER SOURCE IS ALL WRONG! IT NEEDS TO BE LITHIUM BICARBONATE!**

Agatha: **I SEE…**

Gil: They've gone sparky… *sobs*

Dakota: *sobs* Szayel's gonna leave me for some big-breasted blonde lady with glasses…

Szayel: No no Dakota-kun, I would never leave you…

Dakota: Really?

Szayel: Really… now hold this ray gun.

Dakota: Yes sir!

Inu: How romantic.

Agatha: IT's fixed! We can go home now!

Gil: Alright!

*AGATHA, KROSP AND GILGAMESH THEN LEAVE… BUT AFTER THEY DO SO, A BLUE POLICE BOX SHOWS UP*

Inu: Dude…

Maddie: Holy cow…

*OUT STEPS A HANDSOME LOOKING MAN WITH SHORT BROWN HAIR*

Inu: Holy crap, it's Doctor Who!

Doctor Who: Hm… I see, here's the source of the issue… *grabs Inu's backpack and pulls out a huge sparkly pencil* A universal re-writer?

Inu: Yeah… *sheepishly* you caught me.

Doctor Who: This can cause some serious harm to the fabric of reality you know… do you have a license?

Inu: No… I downloaded the file for it off of Limewire…

Doctor Who: I'm sorry, but I will have to confiscate this then.

Inu: *sobs*

Doctor Who: *leaves*

Aizen: What did that do?

Inu: It re-wrote reality.

Aizen: *sweat drops*

Inu: Anyways, I guess that's it for the Interviews until I can get mah pencil back… next chapter shall be the yaoi lemon, all be warned… other than that, I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
